Misunderstandings
by Hinoto Nobukaze
Summary: COMPLETE!SakuKaka Sasuke breaks up with Sakura and Sakura tries to figure out Kakashi and any future relationship that she may have with him. Sakura P.O.V. NOT YOUR TYPICAL KAKASAKU FIC!
1. Toxic

**A/N: Yes, there are a million stories out there about Kakashi and Sakura. The fans don't care right? They are always looking for more. I hope this turns out well. I did it for these reasons A.) to dedicate it to a fellow author whom I love. Her name is Oneesan no Miroku Houshi and she writes an awesome story called Lessons in Shinobi Love it's a KakaSaku romance that is indeed a work of true genius (Lol I almost types genin, I'm retarded) anyway… B.) also I'm trying to dissect the motives of Sakura and C.) Remember what its like being 16, her current age in the fanfic.**

**I have learned that Sakura's mind is a fascinating, often highly irrational, confused and frustrating place to be and I'm so glad I don't have to live through that age difference again.**

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own it. If I did would I waste my time writing what I wish could've been? Hell this would be the manga!**

**Title: Misunderstandings**

**Author: Hinoto Nobukaze**

**Rating: PG-13**

**Pairings: SasuSaku SakuKaka**

**Summary: SasuSaku SakuKaka Sasuke breaks up with Sakura and Sakura tries to figure out Kakashi and any future relationship that she may have with him. Sakura P.O.V. Please R&R!**

**Misunderstandings**

**Chapter 1: Toxic**

**By: Hinoto Nobukaze**

Isn't it strange how it's very easy-yet really difficult to forgive someone once they're gone and very far away?

Even though it hurt me badly, I hurt even more when he left me…as if I'd lost the one thing in my life that had meaning. I did care for him, and it hurt in so many ways. Part of me, that silly inner part of me hopes that he cared for me back, somewhere. But I guess he did it for revenge…or himself…or both. I know I got what I deserved. Maybe he showed Kakashi-sensei what I was, but I think he already knew. Sasuke did do me the favor of showing me what I really was—a lovesick fool, and for that I will be grateful…even if it is painful.

I never did like looking at my reflection.

I wonder if I were dead or very far away, if Kakashi-sensei would forgive me.

I think that was my hope the first time, when I came back to him. Maybe I had been gone long enough, and he had forgiven me.

But he hadn't.

I don't understand.

Even now that I know, I don't understand. I'm not sure I forgive him yet either.

It's funny, after I found his letter; I don't even really remember what happened. I must have been so confused…all I remember was a series of powerful sensations…joy, anger, lust, fear…lots of fear. I remember gloating at someone…Was it Kakashi-sensei or someone else, like Naruto? I remember hating the power of love, because…I don't know. Because I wanted to destroy any hope that he had stored up in that letter. Because I wanted to destroy my own hope, because I was scared and I was hurting after Sasuke said cruel things to me shortly before I found Kakashi-sensei's letter.

It pains me to try and remember, even more then anything trying to remember any of the occurring events of later that day. I must have been pretty messed up. He got the letter back; somehow…I must have been the one to give it to him. I wish I could remember what I had said.

He kept it for a while, until shortly after Sasuke broke up with me. I think perhaps he and Naruto went together to settle an old rivalry somewhere. I wonder what would happen if someone like Kakashi-sensei lost badly in a battle?

Kakashi-sensei threw that letter away shortly after that. Maybe he's over me. Isn't that wonderful? Shouldn't I feel wonderful? Why don't I feel wonderful?

I feel sick and disgusted.

I wonder what would happen if he could be granted the power of love? What would he do with it?

I believe in love, but I never thought you could win it in a ninja fight.

A breeze passes by me, through me, raising goose bumps on my arms. The sun is setting slowly, taking the warmth from this place. I have been standing by this tree forever. My feet ache and there's a hard lumps in the pit of my stomach. I'm trembling, but from what I don't know.

The path is lined with trees that reach their branches up into the heavens like they're longing for something they can never touch. They look so fragile against the wind, yet they stand there, persisting in their fruitless mission. As they reach higher, their leaves flee. The wind surrounds me with swirls of green and orange. The leaves, soon to be forgotten, mingle at my feet and dance away.

Quick footsteps echo down the walkway. I look up, and note with relief and another prang of trepidation that it is he, moving in his slow strides towards me, though his lone eye is downcast, lost in thought. A rare moment when his mask is down.

Kakashi-sensei always wore the mask – that stony face that can put on a glare capable of turning unwitting fools to stone. The only emotion it displays is a fake façade. The difference is, when I knew him the first time, when we were friends, he wore the mask lightly. He could drop it easily among his Squad, when he was with me, he only used it when he had to, to get by this ninja or that student.

He wears it almost all of the time now, save perhaps the infrequent moment when he spares a real smile for the Hokage, or more rarely for Naruto, who has a way of slipping past most people's defenses. I envy them.

Now I'm the reason he wears it so much. Or at least one of the reasons.

He breezes by me. He's frowning through his mask, and it's intense, as if it weights were attached to his face, pulling it down. What is his burden today?

In a way, I don't want to bother him. Let him be free of his mask for a while. Maybe he will remember what it's like to be himself. If I approach him, the mask will raise.

But…

I have to follow him. Summoning every ounce of willpower I have, I leave the tree that I was leaning against and quickly move to catch him.

He does not turn his head, but his pace slows for just a moment, so I fall in behind his steps quickly. I stay just a little bit behind him, maybe because I'm afraid to look at his face, incase that mask has returned, and I'll be speaking to an angry, angelic statue of a god.

We walk for a while, and we're almost to the school, when he finally turns his head slightly, just enough to indicate that he's addressing me. He speaks in that even, cool tone he uses for acquaintances and enemies. "Is there a reason you're following me, Sakura?"

All the things I want to say to him have crumbled in my mind under the weight of my fear, all of the apologies, condolences and accusations. I never used to be afraid of him, but now I am like all of the others, cringing at that petrifying gaze- and I deserve his wrath more then anyone. Part of me hates myself for being afraid of him, and hates him for making me afraid of him, but I can't get angry at him, not now. I can't afford it. Not after I've already lost so much. I try to take the energy of that anger and turn it into something like bravery, just enough so I can speak to him.

"He was your best student. I'm sorry." Is all I manage to stammer out. It's actually been a week since, but he's been keeping himself busy and so have I.

He stops, and I stop. He turns to look at me, full in the face. In a moment, comprising something like a tiny, weak miracle, I realize he hasn't put up that mask. His dark eye is shimmering, and I realize there is grief in them, which would indicate, if Kakashi were a normal man, he'd have been sobbing his eyes out not too long ago. It is old grief, nothing I said brought it and I know that Kakashi-sensei hasn't been crying. In a weird way, I like seeing him look like this, because he looks human, not like a moving statue or a predatory wild dog. His face has a hint of softness, and I am reminded a moment of the handsome, proud sensei I was so close to a few years ago, that man that made me feel so warm and wonderful. He blinks at me, almost like he thinks I'm crazy. I wonder what he sees in my face? I might be about to cry myself.

"Thank you," He replies quietly, acknowledging my feeble gesture with a slight nod and an upturn of the lip that could not quite be called a smile.

Then the mask goes up, and the eyes turn to hard, cold hematite. He turns away and begins walking again, though more slowly then before. I follow.

"Is that all you wanted, Sakura?" I am behind him; his back is still turned to me.

No, of course there isn't. When have you ever cared about what I wanted?

I swallow, the new wave of anger striking me so suddenly. I try hard to hold it back, but it's trying to punch its way through my chest…the part of me that wants him near and the part of me that hates him wrestle once again. "Why, Kakashi-sensei? Why did you come to me last night after Sasuke made that phone call?"

He tilts his head downward. "If I remember correctly, it's because I'm lame."

The tension in my heart twinges, the two sides of myself are pulling hard and my face grows warm with embarrassment and anger. "I wasn't…in a good state of mind then. I'm sorry. Please answer the question."

"I told you, I was concerned. I thought…you might need someone to talk to." I want to believe him, but he still refuses to look at me. His voice is still monotone.

"Why is it, that you'll only be my friend when I'm helpless?" I plead, anger, pride and desperation causing my voice to waver between a snarl and a squeak.

He begins to walk away in silence.

Anger wins, bursting through me like a popped kernel of corn, bursting and relieving. "Don't you **dare **walk away from me again, Kakashi-sensei!" I snap, the force in my voice startling even me, although I don't let that stop me. I am **tired** of people walking away from me, leaving me in the dark and alone. I may not deserve much, but I at least deserve to understand why.

He keeps trying to walk, and the desire to punish him washes over my senses like a tsunami. I grab his arm, trying to pull him around so he'll face me. "What the hell is up with you, Kakashi-sensei? I try to start over with you, and you reject me. Then I try to get close to someone else, and suddenly you're hovering over me like a…a…mother hen…or a…a…ex-lover! You move when my defenses are down, waiting for me to fall, waiting for me to be weak or pathetic? Waiting for me to crawl under your wing? Why? Why do I have to be helpless for you to love me?" Even with the hot fury, I feel tears sting my eyes.

He stops trying to pull away from me. His eye catches mine, and it is quivering, dark and desperate. I don't know if he's feeling hatred, hurt or both. A voice inside my mind is pleading for me to shut up, wailing that I'm destroying the last vestige of hope that our closeness might be salvaged…but Kakashi-sensei's jaw is locked shut, and his reticence spurs on my anger.

"Are you so pathetic and weak yourself that you need someone even weaker to lean on? Or are you just looking for someone gullible to seduce?"

The confused eye widen with a fiery blaze. "How could you think that?"

"How could I think that! You're the one who carried that god damn love note around that you wrote me and would never _give _me for months!" His eye flinched. Good. I will break that mask open. The tsunami crashes out of my mouth in a torrent of feelings I can't even keep up with my mind. " You **wanted **me, but you never told me…You were **ashamed, **ashamed of your lust, and ashamed of **me**, ashamed that you could feel that way about one of your students. Or maybe feel that way about someone you once pitied. Rather then tell me – god forbid I return those feelings- you just shut yourself off, started growing cold. I **thought** it was because I was getting in your way, because I **thought** you wanted concentrate on training Sasuke instead, and so I did what I thought would pursue my dreams and went out with Sasuke. The fact that you let me…means that you must have not cared at all…I was an object to you, a pet and when I displeased you, you let me stay in my delusions and leave you. **You threw me away like that love note!**" I can hardly see for all of the tears. "And the naïve little girl I am, **came back **to you, admitting what I've done, tried to start over, and you rejected me again, and then you act all hurt when I try to get on with my life! Well, fuck you Kakashi-sensei! You selfish obsessed little bastard!"

I pause for breath and to wonder at the things I'd just said. Tension is released, the wave begins to dissipate.

His eyes grew wider all the while I was talking, and now he's simply blinking at me. "Selfish?" is all he says in a wuff of disbelief.

It's enough to snap my perspective for a moment, Sasuke-sempai sneers at me from my mind's eye. _Who _is selfish? Logic faintly asserts its voice in the back of my mind: perhaps this is not the best route to take. I try to think of something else to say, but I find myself fascinated by the gymnastics of his face, eye widening, then narrowing, mouth opening, then closing, and mask moving with his mouth. He's struggling to put the mask back on and he can't quite do it. A part of me is still pleased to have the real Kakashi-sensei standing before me, scrambling for his shallow defenses. It's very strange…he's hot when he looks hurt. Almost as hot as when he smiles.

"If…I had told you…how I felt, would you have returned my feelings, though you were in love with Sasuke?"

"How do you feel?" Cooling down, now I can fully feel the tears course down my face.

Kakashi-sensei swallows. His lips trembles. "I…" The words come out of my mouth as if someone were extracting them one by one, painfully. "I was in love with you."

My heart and my stomach perform Replacement Jutsu then go back again. "I…don't know, Kakashi-sensei." I answer mostly honestly. "But if you really had wanted…if you had really wanted to really love me, you would have at least tried to find out."

He says nothing.

It's time to finish my piece and run, my turn to be a coward and show him my back. My bare facsimile of bravery is fading fast. "You can be mad at me for any reason you want, Kakashi-sensei. You can hate me. You have a million reasons and they're all good, but just remember: you rejected me first."

Using the remaining angry energy within me, I pivot on my heel and march toward my house. The hot tears fall anew and turn to ice on my cheeks in the wind. I hate myself because I said things I didn't mean to say, and because I meant every word I said. His words bounce dizzingly through my mind.

_I was in love with you... _

_I was _in love _with you... _

_I _was _in love with you..._

I want to fall off the ends of the earth and just keep falling.

**TBC**

**A/N: This was my first time writing something like this. Please tell me I'm in character. prays Please review, any help would be necessary!**


	2. Impossible Dream

**A/N: Thank you for your kind reviews on my story. You all are the best. I'm glad I got everyone in character, and I can't wait to read your commentary on this chapter. So, please enjoy, and thank you, Oneesan no Miroku Houshi for promoting me.**

**Misunderstandings**

**Chapter 2: Impossible Dream**

The jounin smiles at me with a shroud of mystery surrounding his masked face. He points his kunai knife at me in a mock salute. "I will destroy the power of love."

Vaguely standing between us is the image of a man in a blue shirt, eyes glimmering with malice and cold. His eyes are black, I think, and frozen in time.

The ninja lunges, and my weapons never moves fast enough, his blade always avoiding my parry, and I see leaves fly before me. The force of his stroke knocks me over, and with the sound of metal clattering, I make contact with the ground. I can see the Copy Ninja walk over, turning before his victim on the ground, he saunters over to me.

The jounin places the point of his kunai knife at my chest, and I know he is preparing to thrust, pausing only long enough for me to see his eye gleaming with bitter contempt. It is the coldest, cruelest eye I have ever seen.

It is my own.

"Following this theory, the antagonist in a nightmare represents the dreamer's own fears and repressed desires. Some believe this figure, commonly known as the Shadow, is the self-destructive aspect of the dreamer's psyche. However, this is not necessarily the case. Krakowsky explains that the Shadow tries to force the dreamer to face his or her unrealized urges or needs, which can ultimately prove helpful to the dreamer when trying to understand oneself-Isn't that interesting, Sakura?" Iruka-sensei asks, raising a dark eyebrow at me as he sees the puzzled look on my face at showing me the interesting fact.

"I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei, but if your shadow is trying to kill you, I don't see how that's helpful."

Iruka-sensei gives me a patronizingly patient smile. "If a Shadow is 'trying to kill you' it's more likely it is trying to 'kill' something within you that you are afraid of, or something that you dislike within yourself. If you come to terms with your fear, the Shadow may cease haunting you. Often times, you can begin doing this within the dreamscape itself. People who dream they are being chased force themselves to turn around and see what they are running from." He smiles. "The book also states that often they see nothing at all. But regardless of what they see, the courage you gain from facing your Shadow you may use to harness when facing your fears in the conscious world. However," The ninja adds, "killing your Shadow outright does not often help. That is, according to this theory, an act of repressing the fear your Shadow represents, and your Shadow will eventually reappear in a different form." The sensei closes the psychology book. "If you'd like, you can borrow the book to read up some more on it." He finishes his speech.

Naruto, who was standing beside me, whispers to me as I stand up and pack some kunai knives into my holster. "That dream book is pretty weird, don't you think?"

"Mmm," I agree. "Though it's interesting, at least. Not like the other boring book he was reading and giving me a summary of last month."

Naruto comes to stand next to me as we start to leave the building. He's a boy about my height (but who isn't?) with straight blonde hair and unremarkable blue eyes, and he's one of the few people who decided I'm still cool enough to hang out with after my humiliating break up with Sasuke-sempai. He leans closer to whisper to me. "Why is Kakashi-sensei staring at you?"

I glance over to the side of the room, where I see a brooding dark eye meet mine and quickly flicker forward. He walks out of the building ahead of us, silver spikes bouncing forcefully against his hitai-ate with his stride. I haven't spoken to him since my little torrent of insults last week, and of course, he would never willingly approach me.

"He's probably trying to scare me." I shrug. "That's what Kakashi-sensei does, or so they say."

"Did you do something to piss him off?"

I shrug again. "I guess so."

"I'm glad I'm not in your shoes."

I raise an eyebrow at my companion, seeing his eyes follow The 3rd Hokage as he disappears into the crowded yard. "You know, I don't think Kakashi-sensei is as scary as everyone says he is. He's been mad at me a few times over the years, and he hasn't killed me yet." I smile and look brave. I'm not sure I entirely believe myself.

"You're braver then I thought, Sakura." Naruto raises an eyebrow at me like I'm insane (although at least he is smiling).

I laugh. "You really think so?" I look at the crowd of ninja ahead of us, trying to catch a glimpse of that silver hair. "Let's just hope I stay that way if I have to face him."

He walks by outside as I am eating my lunch. I'm by myself today, because Naruto wants to go to the ramen shop with Iruka-sensei. Not that Naruto's particularly interesting conversation anyway – although I shouldn't think that. He is a nice (if weird) guy.

The sun is warm and the wind is cold. I can't taste my food much.

Nearby, proud footsteps wax and recede and then grow louder again.

Kakashi-sensei's been pacing around the yard during lunch. He carries a bento-box wrapped in a light blue cloth, loosely in his hand; as if he'd forgotten it's there. He does that thing when he talks to me: he walks a few steps in front of me, and then tilts his head downward and back toward me so I can just barely see his face when he speaks.

"Have you been sleeping well?" He's either taunting me, pretending to be concerned, or he really is concerned. He always does this, as soon as I'm certain I've done something to drive him away, he'll do something to show something approximating compassion of care. Perhaps it's simply in memory of our old friendship.

How do I answer him? Push him away? Pretend we're friends again?

"Do I look that bad?" I ask, wiping my face for fear that bits of Yakatori are clinging to it, wishing I could wipe away the circles under my eyes.

He allows himself to laugh briefly. "No…although you do seem tired. You mentioned to Iruka…"

"Everyone has nightmares sometimes, Kakashi-sensei."

He barely nods. "True."

I wonder what his nightmares are like. For a moment, I wonder if they are exactly the same as mine. A sudden image explodes in my mind: I'm standing over him, pulling a sword from his chest; the sword is a symbol of his heart, perhaps produced in the form of a weapon with chakra, he is in great pain. For a moment, the image/feeling seems more real then what I am actually seeing before me, and I shudder, trying to shake it off.

"Are you alright?" He turns his head a little more so I can see beyond his silken spikes, and he actually does look worried. He must have seen me tremble.

Hatake Kakashi, I don't think I will ever understand you.

"I'm fine." Here I am, lying again. It's just a little meaningless lie, yet every time I lie now, I see Sasuke's face. It's a very good and very painful and frustrating deterrent. "With a good night's sleep, I should feel a little better." At least I hope so.

"I hope so." He says kindly and walks away.

The mixture of his concern and his avoidance of me only makes me angry.

Why, Kakashi? Why do you care?

Tonight, when he stabs her, the victim cries out in pain. I try to tell her to fight back, but no sound escapes my lips.

Yet, I wake myself, crying out.

I crawl out of bed. I'm wide awake, cold and sticky with sweat. I'm sick of these dreams, and I'm sick of not knowing what to do with them. I've started writing them down as one of Iruka-sensei's recommended books told me to, but all it seems to do is help me remember them more without helping me figure out what to do, how to change it. Iruka's book is educational analysis, not a self-help book, and has no answers on how to deal with specific dreams. It's just lots of general theories, none of which seem to quite apply to me. Sometimes the dreams seem more like memories than dreams, but, of course, I never fought a jounin by myself…

Have I?

I am afraid of so many things; I doubt I could ever stand up to my Shadow. Even then, what would I do? I'm not supposed to kill him?

But, what else do you do with a sword in your hand?

I grab my room key; it's on a long chain that I hang around my neck afterward, and the cold metal prickles against my skin. I shuffle out into the hallway. In my mind, I can hear my mother griping that I'm going somewhere in my pajamas with no shoes on, but who is going to see me at 3 a.m.? She'd only care for the propriety of the situation.

I wander outside, the sharp coolness of the air striking the fog over my brain, although weariness fights for dominance. I make my way toward a big fountain in the town. It's always lit, even at the dead of night.

I can hear the water from here; it's smooth and soothing, and maybe it will eventually talk me into going back to sleep.

It's not till I'm quite near the fountain that I realize someone is sitting not far away, alongside the granite statues that line the pool. The cold night is biting into my toes; maybe I should turn back.

He turns his head at my approach. The lights from the fountain bounce off of silver spikes. "Sakura…" The startled sound slides off of his lips.

"I'm sorry. I didn't…I was just having trouble sleeping." I hope that I am drowsy and drained enough from my dream, so that there is no energy inside of me that could allow me to tangle with him tonight. Just let me be here until I have the strength to move, and I will let you be here.

As I move to sit on the edge, I see him slowly relax as he lets out a deep breath. I look down at the waters and dip my index finger in them, drawing kanji in the water that slip away into nothing-ripples even as I glide my fingers off the surface. My name. Kakashi-sensei's name.

"Nightmares again?" He asks after a few minutes. I'm not really looking at him, and I don't think he's really looking at me. We let the falling waters carry our words back and forth to one another.

"My 'Shadow' and I aren't getting along, "I say, recalling the term from Iruka's book.

"What's it like? Your Shadow?"

"He's a ninja. A jounin." The silence between us electrifies. "He's not you," I add to clarify.

"Mmm," Kakashi-sensei says, unenlighteningly.

"What about you? Bad dreams?"

"Bad thoughts."

"Mmm," I reply. More water-filled silence passes. Of course, I want to know what they are, but I don't dare ask. There's a remote possibility that he'll tell me.

"Sakura?" His voice is softer then usual, and reminds me of when he was maybe 25. Five years ago. So much can happen in that time.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Thank you."

"Why?"

"For saying those things to me last week."

"Why?" That caught me off guard. "I wasn't…I shouldn't have…"

"Because you spoke the truth. Your truth, anyway, and I realized, I hadn't thought much about your perspective; I just made a lot of assumptions…just like you assumed I hated you."

There's strange sensation in my heart, sort of as if it's being wrung out to dry. I can't think of what to say, and my rationalizing side blames it on sleepiness, although my heart says there's more. The thought flashes through my mind: what other assumptions have I made that are wrong?

An accompanying flash: I once felt like I knew him more then anyone in the world. More then myself. Did I ever, really? Why don't I know him now?

Who are you, Kakashi-sensei?

After a few more moments of quiet, he speaks again. "One thing…I never…viewed you as an object."

"Back then…I would have believed you." Actually, I think I believe him now, because for some idiotic reason, I still trust him like I was younger.

Yet, part of me insists upon being suspicious of more. Because I **don't **understand what else he could feel for something like me. And I hate him for being so weak as to be weakened by **me **for any reason.

"And you don't now?"

"I don't know who you are, anymore, Kakashi-sensei. I don't know what to believe. Sometimes I think you've changed beyond recognition." A brief, surprising laugh hmpfs itself out of my mouth. " Sometimes I think you haven't changed at all."

He responds with his own brief chuckle. "You know, Sakura…I think the same thing about you."

I am speaking without thinking (again) because I am too tired to think. "Maybe we should try to get to know each other again." The words flowed out of a bloom of hope that fades as soon as I finish speaking. Of course we can't get to know each other again.

I hear him stand, or rather the sound of his ninja clothing softly rubbing against his flesh as the fountain behind him. "Good night, Sakura." He mutters in a low voice. I slowly turn my head to see his back receding into the shadows left by the moon. It seems that's all I ever see of him lately.

"Damn you," I whisper to him, myself and the water's lullaby.

**TBC**

**A/N: So sorry, I'm kind of mad at because I share a computer with another person who reviews fanfics and now has a flooding device where two people can't review from the same computer. It makes me mad because I can't review the same stories that I love. Anyway, please review, I'll be sooner on my updates.**


	3. A Bird In The Hand

**A/N: Here I am with chapter 3. Sorry for the wait. Thanks for all of your reviews! I'm glad that so many love this. I have two more chapters after this, but I'm having a blast with it.**

**- **

**Misunderstandings**

**By: Hinoto Nobukaze**

**Chapter 3: A Bird in the Hand…**

**-**

He occupies my thoughts a lot lately, even more then Sasuke-sempai, despite the fact that at the time, he hurt me worse, and how I still felt awful when he left me.

He did use me, but I guess I used him too…I needed someone to care for me, protect me, because I thought Kakashi-sensei never would. He came when I thought I was all alone, because I lost Kakashi-sensei.

Which brings us back to the fact that it was all about Kakashi-sensei all along.

I don't know why I can't let go of him. It's obvious he's trying to let go of me.

But he's trying to let go of me because I betrayed him. Because I tried to betray him. I destroyed what we had. I pushed him away.

And now, like a child that's lost and broken something due to her own negligence, I want him back.

The irony on top of that is, of course, that I did it all to prove I could be strong without him. Independent.

The cold spell that hit the area hasn't lifted yet, and I wish I had worn a jacket. This red ninja outfit does little to hold off the wind, which bites into me and laughs.

I had to get off from my house a while. Not that one can really _leave _home just like that…but I can wander far enough away to enjoy the more lively comforts of the woods. Half-naked trees which wave their arms around above the bushes, as if to protect them without actually touching them.

"I wish I could say I've come here just to talk about you," I say to a certain name carved within the depths of the tree trunk. "But I really came to talk about Kakashi-sensei too."

The carving doesn't answer me. It's sort of like talking to the real Sasuke.

"I did want to say that I am sorry for using you, or trying to use you, anyway. You have to understand, every girl when they are little, have their hopes for some gallant prince on a white horse to take them away from the horrors of the world and protect them forever, and I really wanted you to be my prince, wielding your shining sword. You were strong, confident, and protective, and the best student in our class. And…you were…so _hot._ And safe." I pause as if waiting for an answer. The wind blows my hair into my eyes. "My mistake for thinking you were trustworthy because you were all those other things. My mistake for trying to make you stand in my childhood prince. I wanted the miracle power and I'm sorry."

"I know you're not sorry for what you did to me, but that's okay, because you're with someone else and people who are away don't change."

I begin to pace, to keep myself warm.

"You probably don't believe me, but I want to change, I really do. But…I guess, I still want the same things. I mean…not the prince thing. That's just…naïve. I want to be happy. Is that so wrong? Is it really awful and selfish to just want to be happy? And the last time I was really happy was when I was with Kakashi-sensei."

"But it freaks me out, honestly. Did you know his true feelings for me? How did it play a part in your quest to hurt me? But what would you…"

I trail off, as a thought hits me, and I start to laugh.

"Were you jealous of me, sempai?" I ask the carving. I shake my head. "No, that's silly. Even if Kakashi-sensei loved me once…I don't know. They said, they said you two had a fight before you left. Some people said there was something going on between us and quite frankly, even though what Kakashi-sensei **might **feel or have felt for me is disturbing – that's just…I mean, everyone always tells you it's not right. But what's **really **not right is the fact of some tricky liar like you being friends with him absolutely disgusts me. So I hope Kakashi-sensei had the sense not to succumb to your charms. Kakashi-sensei is much smarter then I am."

"But then, I'm also a liar too, right? So why would Kakashi-sensei care? Why does he care, and then avoid me, that's what I want to know." I shrug. "Maybe he likes liars, I don't know."

I point at the tree accusatorily, still needing to lecture the carving on its mistakes. "But one thing you don't know about him or me, you don't know how much we…we loved each other during the end of our relationship. A different love – a friend's love. Does that love die or does it grow?" Two trees drop their leaves, and they flutter across the carving as a tribute, different types. "You don't know him, and you don't know me. Kakashi-sensei was the best thing that ever happened to me. And what really **sucks **is…"

Tears sting my eyes and I act as if it's the wind, even though there is no one else to see me. "What really **sucks **is the fact that he is still the best thing that ever happened to me…and I hate him." I fall to my knees. I can't pretend not to cry anymore. "I _hate _him, sempai…"

I am facing off against him once again. He gloats about his skills; he is convinced he will win. I am determined that I will defeat him. I will not be weak.

With a shout, we jump and lunge at each other. My eyes zero in on his chest, I point the sword, and with a lurch against my hand, I feel the blade plunge with a sharp, soft crunch, into the flesh and through his skin.

The problem is, the ninja has done the exact same thing to me.

Another lunch by myself. I sit up against a tree, staring at its twisted roots coming out from under me. A leaf flits and flutters ever so delicately down to land on my bento box, next to half-eaten salad.

My eyes scan the area. Groups of ninja sit and chatter about nothing, groups of boys poke at each other and brag. Over in the corner, a flash of green, orange and silver stand out against the ordinary dark colors. Naruto is standing over a seated Kakashi, saying something with a malicious grin and then leaving. Even though he is the one erect, Kakashi still seems taller.

He is alone.

Maybe he likes being alone. I'm sure he prefers it to most people's company. My company?

This thought stirs my pride and anger and it's time to face him again, and yet… At the same time, a memory fades into my mind's eye.

A man, wearing a hitai-ate over one eye that would look weird on anyone but him. He could carry just about anything with grace. Sitting by himself, because although as a ninja was respected, he was also untouchable. And me, who didn't know any better, went over, sat down right next time him, and asked him why he looked so sad.

"I'm not sad," he said defiantly.

"You looked sad," I said. A moment of silence. "I'm lonely," I admitted to him freely, because I knew immediately by looking at those sad dark eyes, wide as the horizon, that I could trust him forever and ever. "Would you like to be friends?"

"Why do you look so sad?" I ask him as I sit down next to him.

"I'm not sad." He replied, staring, stubbornly at his food. I think he's trying to let his bangs shadow his face, but his short spikes are too well-trained to fall, and I can see the sea of black in them nonetheless.

"You looked sad." I scrutinize his pensive frown and start to laugh, which makes him look at me, startled. "You haven't changed at all, Kakashi-sensei."

He doesn't really know what to say to this, I guess, so he looks at my bento. "There's a leaf in your lunch," He observes.

"Pretty, isn't it?" This is a new game.

He sighs, and he actually looks at me. "What do you want, Sakura?"

I sigh in imitation of him. "I don't know, Kakashi-sensei. I want a lot of things. I want the usual things, I guess, friends, someone to love, my mother to fall off of someplace high – (but not too high) – A successful career, and a more interesting lunch then this one." I feel the venom suddenly summon itself to my teeth. "I'd also like you to get off your high horse for once."

"Do you just do this to torture me?"

I gave him a weird look. "Do what?"

"Play innocent one minute and cruel the next."

"Cruelty is usually a component to torture," I agree. "But innocence?"

He closes his eye and lets out a strange sort of choked laugh. "You have no idea."

We sit silent for a moment, not really moving. The wind blows the leaf out of my lunch box.

"To answer your question, Kakashi-sensei, I don't know."

"Hmm?"

"I don't know what I want. I want to understand…" I start to say, but I can't finish. I can't hear my thoughts for the pounding in my ears; the idea of telling him all that's on my mind is so overwhelming. The idea that this time he might listen.

More silence. I hope someone else wants to talk to me and I pray this moment lasts so we can finish it.

He tries to end it instead. "I have to go," He says and stands up.

He's about to walk away and the idea of Kakashi-sensei leaving me once again, having gone nowhere, launches me upward. I grab his wrist, choosing at random one question of the many questions I have wanted to ask him. "Why did you stop carrying that letter?"

He looks at me, and then away. His eyes are hard, cold jewels again, but I see a ripple behind them that is something else. He doesn't try to move.

"It blew out of my hand and got wet, causing the kanji to smear." He answers quietly. "So, I threw it away."

I blink.

I was in love with you. Was?

He tries to pull away and I pull back. "So…if you hadn't have got it wet?"

"I wouldn't have had to write another one." After his initial tension, he has managed to pull the mask all the way on and remain perfectly calm. It's driving me up the wall, because of course; once again he's answered my questions without answering anything at all.

"But…You don't have it."

"I can't decide what to write about." He's almost smiling.

Damn him! Damn him! Damn him! Who is torturing who? Fire runs through me. I want to hit him, grab his face, make him look at me and say it.

He tries to pull away again, slips away, but I manage to regain hold, this time of his hand.

The touch, palm to palm, flesh to flesh, triggers a flesh. My heart seems to stop a moment. A million memories of him pulling away and telling me in strained tones that he hoped I'd be happy with him, doors slamming, swords flying out of chests, and the words, "I was in love with you," Over and over again.

He turned his head, granting my wish of looking at me in the eye, and I wish he'd never done it. His visible eye is wide, the light playing with the dark colors, pulling me into their depths. They looked like they did that one night, almost in tears…

God damn him, he's so beautiful…

And then as if Medusa had stared at him, his face turns to stone. He rips his hand away, and with it the fear and warmth that the touch brought.

"I have to report back to the Hokage."

He walks away quickly.

I've got to understand why he does this dance with me. Why I am doing it with him? One step forward, two back and for that, I've got to find a way to keep him from running away from me. Even if I could get in the same space with him, some place neutral. Nothing to do with anything. Make him endure my presence long enough that he might come to find it al least vaguely tolerable.

And then I can find a way to talk to him, and get this sorted out once and for all. We can become friends, we can become strangers, but we can't drift in this twilight forever. I can't imagine he enjoys it any more then I do.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Another breathless voice sounds out behind me, and then a blonde haired male, about my age zooms past out of nowhere, running after Kakashi-sensei. "Kakashi-sensei, I need to talk to you about the next training day…"

He catches up with him and they disappear down one of the walkways crisscrossing the ground.

That's it!

I spend half of the afternoon trying to find him. Finally, out of breath from running around the ninja academy, I pause to look inside of the Hokage's room, where I hear humming, to distinct to be none other then Naruto-kun. It's a familiar tune, kind of lighthearted, not the usual sad, dreamy tune that he hums when alone. I carefully peek in.

He cuts off abruptly. "That's all I have so far."

"I like it," Kakashi-sensei replies. "Although it's a little too…perky in parts."

"She's a little too perky," He laughs, but asserts. "And this song is going to be about her." Though I've usually seen him deter to her on most things, this is his song, and he usually gets defensive about things anyway when they are threatened – it is Naruto we're talking about here. I wonder who he's talking about? I somehow had gathered he had a crush on Hinata-san, and she's not perky at all.

"I guess so. I think you could tone down that one part though."

"She's not toned down! Look, do you want me to hum the Hatake Kakashi Song instead? Here we go…" He begins to hum a slow, gloomy tune that sounds as if it's intended to intone doomsday. I see his shoulders go up and down, he's trying not to laugh."

My god, Kakashi-sensei laughing at himself. Isn't that the first sign of the Apocalypse? I bite back my own laugh, clapping my hand over my mouth, although I am too slow to hold myself back. They both turn at me. Kakashi-sensei immediately dons the mask.

Bravery. Must summon bravery.

"Sorry to bother you," I say, giving them a little smile. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Kakashi-sensei? I could lea-"

"No, both of you actually. Well, I might as well since you're both here. I know it's getting on in the year, but…I've been thinking. I've been thinking about my position and…" I take a breath, praying for coherency. I focus my will. "I want to train with you guys." I let a little smile of triumph cross my face, just for having the guts to ask.

Kakashi-sensei's eyes widen, although otherwise he forces his face to remain passive.

Naruto-kun has no trouble looking surprised. "What?"

I nod. "I saw how much stronger you've all became. I've been told I have a lot of potential." I manage another smile, hopefully self-depriving. "I'm not sure if that's true, or if the person who told me was just trying to flatter me, but I want to do this." And that is the truth- it's quite a release, actually. You can "attack" someone all you want and you can never actually hurt them. You can engage in heart-pounding, fast-paced action with someone that shakes hands afterward and go out for a sandwich together.

All this…and if I can prove I belong on the Squad, Kakashi-sensei's too much of a professional not to let me join. Meaning there's at least one place he can't run away from me. I know I'll have to endure Kakashi-sensei defeating me on a regular basis, but maybe it will give me the time and insight I need to learn to get past his _other _defenses.

Besides, I've always liked watching him train.

"Fine," Kakashi-sensei says. I think I detect a waver in his half frozen voice. "We'll see what you can do."

"When?"

He looks down at Naruto-kun. "Why not now?"

Naruto-kun looks up at Kakashi-sensei. "Sure, why not?"

Kakashi-sensei gives me the usual nod and smile. "Prepare yourself. Grab your weapons and come to the woods. See you in a few minutes?"

My god, I think there's a slight chance this might work. "Sure."

Naruto-kun and Kakashi-sensei wait for me in those woods. God, so much has happened in those woods in my life over the years, so many wonderful and horrible things. I remember once handing Kakashi-sensei a flower to reward him for winning a sparring match with Naruto and Sasuke. "You should really learn to believe in miracles." I told him, repeating something he's once said to me when I was younger, so long ago he'd probably forgotten. I remember at that moment wanting nothing more than for him to be happy. It was just before all my stupidity began.

Believe in miracles, and they will know all.

I am believing as hard as I can. If I can impress Kakashi-sensei…That's what it'll take.

After getting ready,I am put through a gauntlet of lunges and jabs from Kakashi and Naruto, each while the other one watches. It's been a while, and I try to remember what I've been taught, and what I've learned from watching you all on missions over the years, Kakashi-sensei, Gai-sensei, Asuma-sensei…all while trying not to think too hard…Tsunade-hime taught me when I was in training to be a medic-nin.

"Trust in your instincts, your heart," She said. "It knows what it needs to do. It will lead your hand correctly."

Sometimes, I think, it's a shame we never worked out. But our hearts were, and are, and always will be somewhere else.

I drive my kunai knife towards him, flicking it past his blade toward his chest, aiming for the score…

He's faster. The tip of his kunai knife drives itself to let the tip pierce my shoulder just a breath before I strike him. "Got you." I announce for what seems to be the millionth time in the last few minutes.

Kakashi-sensei stands erect, shaking loose those spikes. "You're right, Sakura," He says. "Lesson number one: don't be so set on your offensive that you forget yourself."

**To Be Continued…**

**Notes: This is TV Sakura. She doesn't see people who left her, she just talks to the carving because she didn't want to face Sasuke himself.**

**A/N: Hope you liked. Sorry if you thought I was dead. I've been gone for a while. I'm working on something for my friend Melissa Norvell, who's been going through some hard times.**

**She writes a great fanfic called _Lessons in Shinobi Love_ and I defiantly recommend it for any KakaSaku fan!**

**Please review me!**


	4. Picking Up The Broken Peices

**A/N: Wow, I'm so late with this! Sorry I had to plan this chapter and got really bad plot bunnies. Now, on to the real show! Here it is!**

**Misunderstandings**

**By: Hinoto Nobukaze**

**Chapter 4: Picking Up Broken Pieces**

It's just a little after school, and I've just seen my friend Junmei off to a first date with her crush. Leaving the room, I make my way down a shadowy hallway in the building. It's long enough after classes that no one should be around, but at the other end of the corridor, a slender guy, probably in my class, is leaning against a window, chin in his hand. Yes, I recognize him now: Nara Shikamaru, he's on the same squad as Ino and Chouji.

Shikamaru, from what I've been able to get to know of him, is a nice and utterly lazy kid. His face is drawn downward into a sort of pensive frown as he is watching something through the window and I turn to see what it is, looking out of a window near me.

A game of lawn tennis is going on below, and of course my eyes immediately latch on to the tall, silver tressed man serving the birdie to a younger, blonde girl. Ino volleys it to the third member of the game, Naruto, perhaps for some reason the object of his team mate's frown. They are laughing and saying something about Naruto's being "in love" with someone and "changing my mind". Kakashi is smiling, and it's the first time I've seen him do that in so long. It's so beautiful, and I hate Ino-chan and Naruto-kun at that moment for being the ones who can make him look like that.

He yells something to Ino playfully. "Can I…picture….for my dresser frame?" I pick up. Fire surges through me, and I feel my face fold itself into a jealous scowl. How _dare_ you, I think at both of them, and I don't know why.

I never wanted to be the one that he loved. I never did. My lips start to tremble.

I never…

They happy little game is broken up by Couji. Chouji-kun seems to be telling them all something to the effect that he thinks they're all nuts.

They don't seem to mind.

Kakashi is still smiling. The sun is dancing around his spikes. He looks so free.

Why am I jealous?

I dig my fingernails into the hard windowsill. Why do I have to feel jealous of him? For him?

God, how can I figure out what Kakashi wants when I don't even know what I want?

Maybe…he's changed his mind.

"Something bothering you?" A young male voice whispered close to my ear, close enough I can feel breath on my neck. I pull away a bit from the presence behind me and turn toward him.

"Shikamaru-kun, you startled me," I inform the other ninja. His eyes are wide but his mouth is in a rigid sort of smile: he's trying to look innocent, and yet conceal a smirk simultaneously. I can recognize it because I have three or fours years experience on him trying to do the same thing.

"You looked angry. It's not at Ino, is it?" Damn, he saw me frowning at them.

I shake my head. "No."

"Naruto-kun?"

"He's annoying but no." He continues to talk to me, joining me in looking out of the window. The sing-song tone of his voice indicates that he knew that's who it was from the start.

"What would you know?" Has Ino told him something? What has Kakashi told Ino?

He smiles, his deep dark eyes are glinting in the sun coming from the window. "I heard them talking about you."

"Me? Who?"

"Kakashi-sensei, Naruto-kun and Ino-chan."

I'm not interested. I'm not interested. I'm not interested… "Oh?"

"Do you want to know what they said?"

Yes, of course I do. But I have no reason to bleed my fears all over this gossiping ninja. "Was it something bad?"

"Do you consider love bad?"

I shrug. "It depends." I can't think of anything else to say, I'm trying too hard to will my heart to stop beating so fast. I feel dizzy.

"Do you think that he perhaps…has _feelings_ for you?"

"Kakashi-sensei doesn't _feel _at all," I spit, still glaring out the window. I know it's wrong, but it feels good to say it. "I don't know if he has feelings." I look at him. "Why is it any of your business anyway?"

He backs a little away from me, though shrugs nonchalantly. "Call it friendly interest." He cocks his head over to one side. "Call it…I feel jealous of that group too."

I stare out the window. Naruto and Kakashi have disappeared behind some trees. Chouji says something to Ino and looks very please with himself-though somehow manages actually not to be smug. He's a rare one, that Chouji.

I can feel Shikamaru awaiting my response. There's no reason I should give in to this…Little psychopath. Okay, that's harsh but I did hear things about him…

But then, what harm could it do? He could spread rumors about me. Big deal; vicious rumors have circled around me ever since Sasuke's breakup with me. Heck, maybe everyone thinks I'm a psychopathic slut too.

Who knows, maybe he could understand? The idea of confession feels good though. Maybe it would work better if I did it with someone who was actually there.

"I'm haunted, Shikamaru-kun." Oh that sounds cheesy. Oh well.

"Oh?" His voice rises, hoping for some juicy intrigue.

"I'm haunted by my past. Kakashi-sensei haunts me…and my self haunts me…what I used to be, everything that's made me hates me, haunts me." I sigh and allow silence to fill a few breaths. "I've known Kakashi-sensei so long it's like he's a part of me, and yet I have no idea who he is at all. His ghost hovers over my mind, reminding me of all the wonderful things he's done for me and accusing me of the horrible things I've done. But no matter how hard I try, how hard I try to separate us in real life; it just gets worse in my dreams…"

"There are some bonds people can't break, no matter how hard you try," Shikamaru-kun said his voice suddenly soft.

"So what do you do when you can't stand to be attached anymore?"

He simply shrugs. "I don't know." He pauses and adds. "Do you really want to be detached from him?"

I reach down into myself and pull out the honest answer. "No."

He leans his hands on his chin, apparently thinking. His face is quite serious now. "Maybe you should find a different way to be attached."

I shrug. "Yeah, sure, that's easy."

He shrugs. "Maybe I should try to find another way to be attached to Ino."

I nod. "Maybe." It's nice that someone sort of understands, although…"It's a little different, I mean…You love Ino, not…"

"Are you saying that your feelings for Kakashi-sensei are more then studently?"

Heat rushes to my face. "What? What the hell are you saying?"

"You're blushing," He says, smiling, eyes glittering with mischief. His serious mode gone as quickly as it came.

I don't need to take this. I turn and start to walk away. Damn it! I was actually starting to feel better.

"Sakura-chan!" He calls out to me, and I turn back around, mostly because I'm surprised by his sudden choice of address. "What he said was…"Why can't I be free with my feelings?" Sounds like he wants to be free too…But maybe not in the way you think."

The battle is intense. The ringing of weapons sound like funerary bells. Or wedding bells?

The ninja's sword scrapes my hand. I pull away, circling around the other side of the arena. The man watches impassively as usual, I near him, and I hear a concerned whisper behind me. "Be careful."

My opponent catches the brief interchange, and his sneer twists more deeply into an infuriated snarl. "No!" he cries. "She's **MINE**!"

He lunges toward me, fast, a blur of white and black. I turn to face him. If he succeeds, he'll stab us both. And there's no reason for this innocent man to be suffering this fight any longer. I thrust my sword, just flicking my opponent's blade away from my heart at the last moment.

The ninja stares at me in disbelief. "I-Impossible…" The sword suddenly refuses to cooperate with his hand.

"You're weak!" I accuse my opponent. "You can't destroy us both!"

His eyes widen in fear, and the sword he holds clatters to the ground. "Do it then, get it over with. I'm weak. You can destroy me."

All of his bravado gone, he's trembling like a captured bird. He is not wearing his ANBU attire any more, but his ordinary teaching attire. He is a scared man, and that's all he ever was-desperately masking his fear with the power he got from someone else's attire and weaponry. The thrill of victory rushes over me, and I grin, poking the tip of the sword just a little into his chin…and then I notice I'm in my ninja attire. The sword in my hand looks just like Kakashi….

No.

"No!"

I force myself to turn, a pivot that takes about a hundred years, and with aching arms I hold the sword out to the man behind me. "This is yours."

He frowns a mechanical frown behind his mask. "Why? I am yours."

"No. I cannot fight with someone else's sword. You have to…you have to let me fight by myself," I insist. I hold it out to him again.

He reaches out, but at the last moment, his hand falters and the blade falls from both of our grips. As it falls, point first, it precisely strikes his leg wrapping, unraveling them and he and the sword fall away into the blackness below.

"You idiot!" I scream behind me. "How are we going to get a miracle without him?" I turn around. He is on his knees, shaking, head in his hands sorrowful.

I walk toward him and reach out and puck lone rose from the ground, handing it to him. "Kakashi-sensei, believe in miracles…"

The entire arena crumbles, and we slip…

Into consciousness.

I feel warm and cold all at once. My heart is pounding. Did I do it? Did it work? Will he come back? Will Kakashi be ok? But why was there two Kakashi? What happened to both of them?

Well, not that I'd be the one to find out. But somehow, I reached out to it, just for a moment, before I awakened.

That makes no sense. I shake my head, waking up more. I'm shaking. Even as the vivid images from the dream wear off, all of the fear, love and joy I felt still swim through me.

I know I'm not going back to sleep for awhile. I'm almost afraid to, in case I have the dream again and learn my victory was simply a ruse.

Yet a warm spot in my heart promises that won't happen again. My mind is less easily convinced.

Time for another walk.

The air is much warmer that the last time I did this, and wetter. It smells green; the ground is soggy and sloppily snuggles my feet as I trudge through it. Apparently a thunderstorm has come and passed by, cleansing everything of its tense, heavy atmosphere.

I am starting to feel good, up until the point I reach the fountain, because he is there again.

And he looks utterly miserable. His dark eye is searching the water of the fountain for an answer that he can't find. His shoulders are slumped. He looks…weak…and every person I have ever been, the innocent child, the inadequate adolescent, the jealous misfit, the selfish friend, the confused and determined kunoichi…all shout that Kakashi should not feel weak and that it's my turn to do something about it.

What, I don't know yet.

Part of me observes I should feel happy that he looks so miserable. The more horrible thought is the idea that I don't feel happy because I don't think I caused the misery. I close my eyes and a mental rose to those ugly voices in the back of my mind. You won't get the better of me this time. It's my turn to be the strong one.

I will not have him walk away from me again, but I won't hurt him again either.

Not…the feeling thought rises like a welcome explosion through my brain…not while he needs me.

He needs me.

I don't think anyone in the world has ever needed me before.

He looks up startled, when I sit beside him-he didn't even notice my approach.

"Sakura…" Is all he says. His visible eye is wide. Sad? Frightened? The mask is actually down, but it's still hard to read him.

"What's wrong, Kakashi-sensei?"

He blinks at me for a few minutes, his lips pursing, then opening slightly like he's about to speak, then pursing again. He looks down at the waters of the fountain. "Ino…Ino…Was taken to the hospital." He speaks very quiet, controlled, but I can hear his voice, the pressure of his emotions threatening to detonate his cool.

"My god!" That's two people now I once thought invincible proven otherwise.

"Someone stabbed her, completely ran her through- Sakura." He said, his voice wavering just a little more. "It's hard to tell- as a ninja…as someone experienced with a sword…I think someone stabbed her in the back."

I realized Kakashi must have found her, or was at least one of the people who found her. I try to imagine Ino-chan, the spunky girl, always fiercely defending people-I mean, she's been up against a lot, and Kakashi-sensei, not to mention all these ninja in Konoha- crumpled down to the ground like a rag doll, bleeding and Kakashi finding his friend in that state. Kakashi…who despite all his coldness and his pride…does care…

Kakashi clenches his fists, but then starts to laugh, a desperate, wounded laugh. "But she wasn't dead." He bites his lip. "So what the hell does that mean? Did she win or lose? If she dies, doe that mean that she didn't get what she wanted? Or did she?" He hits the edge of the fountain with his fist. The garden lights are enough to show that he's struck the cement hard enough to lacerate his hand.

"Beating yourself up isn't going to help, Kakashi-sensei."

"What the hell can I do!" He shouts, and I involuntarily shoot back from his fire. He sees me back away from him, and stops saying whatever it is he's about to say. "S-Sakura…" He looks down and shakes his head. "Why am I telling you this?"

"Because you wouldn't let anyone else see you like this. I've already seen you angry and sad often enough, even if it's been a while. And you need…to talk to someone, Kakashi-sensei."

He blinks at me, and seems about to retort something and then visibly slumps again. He knows I'm right. I hope I'm right.

I move back towards him.

"She's not dead yet, Kakashi-sensei. So don't kill her off in your mind before her time comes. Ino-chan is strong. In body and heart, she's strong. So you just have to believe-"

"There are no such things as miracles!" He turns and shouts-no, more like snarls. The mask is off, and there is more pain then I ever wanted to see in that gorgeous eye.

Did finding Ino do that to him?

Or did I?

He is breathing a bit rapidly, anger and anguish and fear bleeding off from him in the form of trembling heat. His jaw is clenched. The "canine" as some people call him, has come out, trying to protect him. I should be frightened, but suddenly I'm not.

Because this _isn't _some canined ice king. This is _Kakashi-sensei_, with the sad, lonely eye that I can trust forever and ever.

At that moment, I can only think of one thing to do. Had I thought of it yesterday, it would have frightened me. Had I thought of it a month ago, it would have repulsed me. Had I thought of it a year ago, it would have seemed an impossibility. Had I thought of it 10 years ago, it would be the most natural and easy thing in the world to do.

Now it's hard…and the only thing I can do. Part of me reminds me he may well throw me across the ground if I do it.

I scoot close to him and reach around his shoulders and give him a hug.

He tenses, of course. He starts to pull away for a minute and I try to hold on, and then he pushes himself forward and let's himself slide to the ground. Somehow, my hands are still on his shoulders.

This wouldn't work, of course, so I start to pull my arms away-

And then he leans his head against my side. I place one hand on the other side of his head, and he doesn't resist. I start to smooth his hair, the way people do, friends and lover and brother and sisters, when they are trying to comfort someone and don't know what do say.

"Why?" the question is barely breathed out of his mouth.

"Because you used to do it for me," I tell him. "And because I think, if I really needed it, you'd do it for me again."

Under my hands, I can feel he's shaking a little. Probably, I think if I were one in his position, somehow I'd be crying my eyes out. But Kakashi never cries. I stroke his hair a bit. It's slightly damp, either from rain or a shower.

He lets out a deep breath and says quietly. "I don't understand you, Sakura."

"That makes two of us. I don't understand me at all."

His shoulders abruptly go up and down, perhaps in imitation of a laugh. We sit, not speaking for a few minutes. The air is filled with Kakashi's pain and my nervousness, but it still feels less tense than it has been with him for ages.

"God, I'm so selfish." He suddenly says.

"Why?"

"Ino is in the hospital and I'm thinking about you and I."

I'm not quite sure what I should say to this. I remember what Shikamaru told me earlier today, but that's…that's not what I'm worried about. For once. In fact, that whole scene I completely forgot until now. The only frustration that comes is from trying to think of something to say. "What would Ino want you to be thinking about?"

"I…" he looks up at me and then down again, and starts to laugh without much sound. He shook his head. "She always yelled at me…when I tried to ignore you."

"Oh?"

"She reminded me…how important friendship was."

And I didn't? Pride asserts. Shut up, I tell it. I destroyed our friendship, Guilt says. Shut up, I tell it. I'm here now.

"Ino…struck me as the kind of person who is a good friend, or at least she is to me. She was the first person to show me kindness." I tell him. "I was jealous of her…when I saw her make you smile. I miss being able to do it."

"Why'd you try so hard to hurt me then?" His voice thins to a whisper.

I shift myself off the edge of the fountain and join him on the ground. He lets me slide my arm around so I can wrap it around his shoulder.

I laugh. "Because I hate you, Kakashi-sensei. I hate that you're so much better then me and that compared to you, I am **nothing**. The only thing that mad me something was you and mostly because I'm afraid of you…afraid somehow I'll fall apart when I'm around you…"

"Do you know how ridiculous that is?"

I shrug. "Maybe. Do you know how ridiculous we've both been to each other?"

"Yes."

"Maybe we should try stopping."

"And then what?"

I shrug. "I haven't gotten that far yet."

A few more moments of silence, as I pray to the gods and stars and the fountain and Sasuke-sempai and miracles to come up with the right thing to say. "You know what?" I ask him.

"What?"

"Ino is going to make it."

"Why?"

"Because she was fighting for her friend right? Chouji-kun?"

"How'd you know that?"

I shake my head. "I just remember…her looking very protective when she fought, I guess."

Kakashi nods. "Yes, she was fighting for him."

"And friendship makes you strong. Ino is very strong, Kakashi-sensei. I think she'll make it."

"Then why did she get hurt at all?"

"I didn't say it made you invincible," I say, maybe too defensively. "She is human, after all. But…" I shake my head. This is going nowhere fast. "I don't know, Kakashi-sensei. I just don't know. I just don't think you should confine Ino-chan to a coffin before her time has come."

"I just wish I could do something, but…I guess, it's still her fight."

"Just believe in her, Kakashi-sensei. You have to believe. Sometimes…That's all you can do."

"I guess so," he says. He turns his head and looks at me. His eye is wide. By a small miracle, the mask is still gone. I see the man I loved years ago in childhood and a young man I'm only just getting started to know. His eyes lock with mine, and my heart jumps to warp speed.

He closes his eyes and pulls away from me. His fists clench. "I don't know if we can be friends, Sakura. " He mutters, not looking at me.

"We have to become friends before we can be anything else," I say, words falling out of my mouth before I think about what they mean.

He sits there, eyes closed, not looking at me.

"Come on, Kakashi-sensei, do you think if we get close again, the world is going to end?"

Suddenly, he starts to laugh. I mean, really laugh. Almost hysterical…well, for Kakashi at least. I mean, he's someone who usually lets out a brief chuckle responding to the height of hilarity. After a few moments of weird laughter, he looks at me, visible eye glassy and says, "You know Sakura, I think it already has."

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N: Wow that was long. One more chapter left! Please stick with me and tell me what you think! The last chapter will come soon! I promise!**

**Oh and as to the dream. ANBU Kakashi was the one attacking and normal Kakashi was the "man watching".**


	5. I Still Need You

**A/N: Here's chapter 5. So sorry about not updating. I've been real busy with life. Here you go! The ending!**

**Misunderstandings**

**Chapter 5: I Still Need You**

**By: Hinoto Nobukaze**

After that strange encounter, things slowly start to get a little better. I became better, and Kakashi-sensei regularly kicks my ass, and I don't care. I'm actually starting to have fun. I do want to prove myself to him, in so many ways, but... I realize, he only expects me to do my best. And maybe my best can be good enough for me, too.

And we have conversations. Actual, civil, friendly conversations, from time to time. None as long or in-depth as the one we had the night by the fountain, but not so strained and fake–or tumultuous–as they often were before that night. He even initiates conversations with me from time to time, and I no longer have the urge to turn him away before he might actually make me care again.

Because I already do. And that doesn't seem to bother me much.

And it's not just about our old relationship. It's the feelings from that that made me want to try again (that's why I came back to him, after all), but it's more, too. It's something new, because we've both changed a little.

But it's growing really slowly.

And the "something new" doesn't always help.

He's still holding onto something.

And I'm getting tired of waiting for him to let go so we can move on.

"Next!" Kakashi-sensei shouts. My cue.

"Yes!" I answer him, stepping forward for the twice-weekly test of shame.

Parry riposte parry feint lunge.

"Got you!" I announce after what seems to be only a few seconds.

"You're not focusing your center of balance properly."

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei!"

"Next!" He calls out. I join the ranks of the defeated and go through a few bouts with them.

A second before I strike true against Naruto-kun, Kakashi-sensei places his hand on my shoulder.

"Sakura, your center of balance is lower than that. Let me show you." I nod, and he places his hands on my hips. "You should feel it in between here... so you can shift your weight like this." He gently but firmly guides my lower torso forward and back. "See?"

I feel it, but I'm watching his face, eyelid lowered, concentrating on what he's doing. Faint beads of sweat are on his face, exertion from practice. His eye flicker upward and meet mine. He holds my gaze for a minute, and he suddenly doesn't look like the teacher.

He steps backward suddenly, and then he frowns beneath the mask, "Do you understand?"

"Yes," I tell him, trying not to smirk. He dons the Mask of the teacher, which works well except it can't hide the fact that he's...

Blushing?

"What was that about?" Naruto-kun asks me.

I quit thinking about it before my face does something stupid. "About losing your balance, I think. Hiyah!"

"Naruto-san, I'll help clean up. I think Konohamaru is waiting for you."

"But he's-" the blond-haired boy starts to protest, and I give him a glare. It's not the Hatake Icy Glare of Death, but it will do. He gets the picture. "Oh, right," he nods. "I forgot." Smart boy, that Naruto. He quickly leaves.

I help Kakashi-sensei put spare shurikens away in the storage locker. We're the only ones left in the room. He's not looking at me, and it starts to feel tense, like it used to.

"Dammit, Kakashi-sensei, what the hell is with you?"

He looks at me, his eye dancing between frustration and something else... regret? "I-" he sighs. "I'm sorry, Sakura. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable earlier today."

I shake my head. "I wasn't. You're the one who seems uncomfortable, Kakashi-sensei." The picture of Sasuke smirks at me in my mind's eye. Liar liar liar. Okay, so I am uncomfortable. But I'm tired of this.

Something has to change. Now.

He shuts the storage locker and stares at the latch. "Sakura..."

"Yes?" I prompt him after a few moments of silence.

"We can never be what we were in the past."

"I don't want to be what we were in the past. I'm not twelve anymore, Kakashi-sensei! Things have changed. We can change..." I trail off as he looks at the floor and rubs his eye so I can't see them.

"Sakura..." he says again. He's acting weird and closed off, and I don't know what I've done wrong this time.

"That is my name," I agree. "What is it, Kakashi-sensei?"

He drops his hand and looks at me, eye glittering with a strange mix of frustration and amusement. "Sasuke was right. You are pushy."

When did he call me that? No, don't get distracted. I cross my arms. "Don't avoid the subject."

He shakes his head and closes his eye, wearing a strange smile. "Pushy, egotistical, and... something else. Selfish, I think."

What the hell is he doing? Has he just been playing with me? Condescending to _that_ kind of level seems... The fire builds. I throw my arms out and push him against the storage locker door. "What are you getting at, Kakashi-sensei?" I thrust my chin upward, close to his face, so he has to face me.

His eye is wide in shock, and then they slowly soften... and sadden.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi-sensei, I didn't mean to hurt you," I ramble off. I mean it; he pissed me off but I didn't mean to get literally pushy. "I just want to know what you feel..." I trail off, looking at his eye, turbulent like the ocean.

That strange smile he was wearing a minute ago comes back. He tilts her head downward slightly, so as to look me in the eyes even better. It almost looks like he's about to-

Oh my god, is he going to kiss me?

Don't you dare, Kakashi-sensei.

Please do.

Don't. Please.

Oh, what am I thinking anyway? Even if he was still attracted to me, Kakashi-sensei would never-

Oh. My. God.

Soft, warm, gentle lips brush against mine in a pure, slow gesture.

Kakashi-sensei is kissing me.

What? I push myself away, startled by the reality of the situation. Perhaps I shouldn't be, but I never actually expected it to really happen. I never thought I would ever actually have to _deal_ with this.

I guess I was merely hoping not to have to deal with how I would feel in return.

But if we have to change... if we have to move past where we've been... if we're ever to move forward, break the walls, the chains that are trapping us...

Kakashi's eyes widen in horror as he's staring at me and he backs away from me. "Oh my god," he says, clapping his hand to her mouth and abruptly turning. Leaning against the wall, he starts to walk away.

I don't understand. Then I realize I must have looked pretty freaked.

He's walking away from me again. No. My pounding heart says I can't let this happen. Not after all this...

I will not lose him.

"Kakashi-sensei!" I lunge for him and try to grab his arm, but he pulls away.

"Leave me alone!" he pleads. He's trying to keep his head turned away from me, although I can tell his face is red.

"No!"

"Please," he says, or more whimpers, and then he seems to lose his legs, crumbling to the floor, covering his face with her hand, still leaning against the wall for support. The strength that usually seems to constantly flow through him has just run out. His whole body is quaking.

He's crying. At one point I think I would have paid to see this. Now I just want him to stop, and be... and be Kakashi-sensei again.

I kneel down beside him.

"I'm sorry, Sakura..." he whispers.

"Why?" I ask softly.

He pulls his hand halfway down her face so he can look at me sideways. His face has gone from red to pale, and his eye are shimmering with tears.

"Dammit, Kakashi-sensei." I put my hand on his shoulder to keep him from replying. "You're even beautiful when you cry. How do you _do_ that? Every time I cry I get all puffy and look like I'm all drugged out."

He drops his hand. Now he's just looking at me like I'm insane, and he may well be right.

I move my hand from his shoulder to his cheek, gently wiping tears away with my thumb. His skin is smooth. "I'm sorry, Kakashi-sensei... you just... scared–startled me. But I guess... I scared you, too. But Kakashi-sensei, why should I be afraid of you? After all this? It's silly."

He's just staring at me now, wide eyed, setting himself for whatever insult or praise, feint or lunge I may use to attack him with.

I wipe another tear and look at that wide, helpless, strong eye. "So pretty..."

My heart is so loud I can barely hear myself speak, so I stop talking.

On impulse, I lean forward and kiss another tear off his cheek. He doesn't move, though this close I can feel his breath, feel its warmth against my hair. In fact, I feel warmth everywhere, inside myself and coming from him, I'm so close to him.

Don't you dare, Sakura! The voice of fear puts in one last protest. And I finally can ignore it. Because I know if I don't do this now, I will never get the chance again. And I do not want to live the next few years of my life in regret. I've had enough of that. But it will take a miracle...

Believe in miracles, and they will know your true feelings.

I lower my face, already so close to him, and I pull down his mask and touch my lips to his. It's tentative at first, and I feel like I might fall apart at any moment. He's still frozen at first, but then the gaze of the gorgon reduces. He relaxes, relents, and then I feel him put one arm around me, pulling me in close. His fingers glide through my hair as he kisses me back. It's warmer and more passionate than anything I've felt in my life. His skin, his lips, so soft and delicate and determined.

I wonder what kind of sick freak could ever think contact like this could be wrong?

I am such a fool.

After a few moments lighted by a warmth I have not felt in forever, we come up for air, and his eyes move over my face. He shakes his head. "Damn you, Sakura." His eye is still glassy, and he looks halfway between laughing and crying.

"Why?"

"Do you know how many times I've convinced myself I'm over you? And then, just as I think I can move on without you, you look at me, and smile, and say something wonderful like 'believe in miracles' or 'friendship makes you strong,' or... or 'dammit Kakashi-sensei, what the hell is with you,' and I fall in love with you all over again." He sighs. "And now... it's going to take forever for me to get over this."

I smile. "Good," I whisper and kiss his cheek, and let my face linger just a millimeter above his. His eyelashes tickle my face.

"What do you want from me, Sakura?" he whispers in my ear, in a different kind of desperation than before. It sounds the way he looked at me when I grabbed his hand a few months ago during lunch.

"Nothing," I answer him, honestly and truly. Be proud of me, Sempai. I shift my weight a little so I can crawl in close to him more comfortably.

My heart's still beating fast, but I feel warmer, fuller than I have before. Even being so close to him, I feel much more myself.

I am still frightened, and I have no idea what I'm doing. But I guess... that's what change is about.

He is waiting for more of an answer than what I have given him. I close my eyes, digging inside for a deeper answer.

"I want to... to love you, Kakashi-sensei." I shift my head back to look in his eye.

"Really?" His eye widen, and for a minute, he looks like a... a schoolboy.

"Yeah. So show me." I kiss him again.

He kisses me back briefly but then gently pushes my shoulders back to look at me. With one hand he smoothes my hair. "I don't know if I can, but..." He smiles and shakes his head. "I love you."

I think I hear bells outside. Or maybe my ears are just ringing, I'm not sure.

"It's taken you what, three years to say that, hasn't it?"

"Probably closer to four years." He leans forward and continues the kiss. He pulls me closer, running one hand through my hair.

I squeeze him tight, letting the last of my fear melt into the tender radiance of his lips. He pulls me in more deeply, and I taste him, feel him like I never imagined I would. It is something entirely new, and it is more right than what I've felt in what seems like forever.

There really are bells ringing outside.

Finally, we are free.

**END**

**A/N: And they lived happily ever after until the end of time or until more teen angst threatened to screw them up, or until the forces of darkness threatened to separate them, whichever comes first. Wow! This was really long! I found writing this a hell of a lot of fun.**

**Please comment! Thanks for reading and see you next fanfic!**


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